(I'm the) Mom on the Android

Guess what?  I'm the Mom on the Android.  You know, the mom who never puts her phone down and misses life.  There have been a few letters written to me making the rounds on the internet; one to make me feel bad for sacrificing time with my children to immerse myself in the technology under my fingertips, and the other absolving me from the guilt I must surely feel from strangers.  Who don't know me. at. all.  

We've all read the letters.  They elicit different emotions from people of all ages, both men and women.  These open letters bring up bigger issues for us, and we find ourselves judging people in their entirety based on the isolated actions we see in just snapshots of their day.  Currently, the blogosphere is abuzz with talk about moms and their phones.  We've already hashed out why homeschooling is/isn't better for everyone, why organic eating does/doesn't mean you love your family enough, and who knows what will be next.  But for now, we're talking to the mom on the iPhone.  Really, we're talking about her.  It's easy, mainly because we don't really know her.  

It's easy because she's everywhere.  Since she's everywhere, we feel like we know why she does what she does.  From that, we can make decisions on the worthiness of her choices and give guidance on how she could do it better.  Or why she's most likely doing it right.  

We've been talking TO her, but has she ever introduced herself and answered back?  I'll start.  

I'm Chris and I have an Android. 



I could have waited two weeks (just 2!) and had an iPhone 4, but that was too long to go without texting.  My Incredible had WAY too many apps, and I think a few of them worked together to corrupt my hard drive.  Or I dropped it too many times.  Or something.  A few days before my birthday a couple years ago, the whole thing seized up and quit working, like you would imagine a cartoon bird just before it ended up hanging stiffly upside down from a wire.  I like to run, and HTC had just come out with the Rhyme- the "phone for runners."  You know, the one that came with the purple charm you could dangle out of your purse that lit up when you had activity on your phone?  The one that came with tangle-free headphones to make running a breeze?  You remember it, it had a docking station and it was a pretty plum color?  You don't remember it... not at all?  Of course you don't!  The fun and fashionable purple Rhyme wasn't even deemed important enough to warrant an endless array of case choices!  There is NO case for this phone, which has made ownership, well... I'm just glad it's not a pet or a child.

Yes, I chose the phone because the marketing got me.  I was wooed in, mostly by its color, but the docking station was--and is-- its best feature.  My phone is important to me and I can accomplish a lot with it.  It has been through a lot and may need to be carried to the finish line (AUGUST) because I will never pay full retail for a phone.  

Let me show you behind my snapshots, what it is I'm really doing when life is passing me by.

I'm the mom who takes, according to my children, an embarrassing amount of pictures and videos.  Not only do I take too many, but oftentimes, I recapture what was previously a candid moment about 15 times until it's just perfect.  It can't be fuzzy or blurry, must be properly lit, have nice composition, natural and unforced smiles, you know, the whole picture--literally!  It makes them all crazy, but I'm working on it. I don't know that I'll ever print these digital memories out on real photo paper, but the fact that I have them makes me smile.  I love that these moments are committed not just to my memory, but also my SD card, and I'm grateful they won't fade away in time.

I'm also the mom who, as best I can, records the funny things my kids say, usually right after they say it.  I was never very good with the baby book, and I used to carry around a lot of guilt that I didn't remember the date my girls crawled, walked, or when they got their first tooth.  Life was super busy and I didn't always have the baby book handy.  Or a pen.  Or paper.  Of course I was there and I saw it, and I meant to write it all down, but I just convinced myself I'd remember it.  I didn't.  These days, I practically have a whole page's worth of hilarity just from the ride home after school-- and it's not even a 5 minute ride!  Thanks to Facebook and texting, I don't worry about forgetting anymore.  

I'm a big fan of technology.  I'm not going to even pretend that I'm not.  My whole family is fascinated with the things we can do now with such ease that used to take much longer or were not even possible. Even though they do it all the time, I am still overwhelmed with the awesomeness of FaceTime when my girls use it to call and SEE my parents.  I'm probably more excited about it than they are, but the way we are able to connect with people all over the world simply boggles my mind.  If I can learn new ways to connect with others, either with my iPad or my not-iPhone, I am doing it!  

Speaking of connecting with others, I want to meet the inventor of texting and give them a great big Thank You hug!  Or maybe just a text.  Anyway, it's like the ultimate note passing exercise.  You can literally converse with anyone at anytime about anything.  Seven years ago, I thought texting was one of the most ridiculous ideas I'd ever heard of.  I think it was probably the shorthand that got on my nerves, and it still does.  Texting was never meant to be an excuse for not using proper grammar and spelling.  (Sorry, that's the teacher coming out.)  More on texting in a bit.

I'm the mom in the grocery store.  I'm standing in the dog food aisle (on my proper side!) trying to remember the name of the new food I wanted to get for my dog.  It's organic and not made with corn fillers.  Some may see me with my eyes on my phone screen and my children looking at pet supplies two feet away and may assume I'm just fooling around while they wish for the precious family time a pet could bring.  Nope.  Just trying to make a healthy choice for the dog and there's been too much going on for me to remember the name of the food.

I go to Target too.  When my kids are showing me the latest games and toys, I'm not disengaged, I'm taking pictures.  It's a delight to shop for birthdays and Christmas with a photo list.  If you haven't tried it, you should.  :)

Have you ever spent the afternoon at the doctor's office?  You've read every magazine except Forbes and you are sick of watching Judge Judy, infomercials and trashy daytime TV.  I'm the woman sitting near an electrical outlet so my phone can keep charging while I'm watching Law & Order on Netflix.  I have headphones on and I'm not going to make small talk.  I'm not being rude, I'm nervous.  Someone I love is with the doctor and I don't know what, if anything, they can do to help her feel better.  

I'm the same woman who is crying uncontrollably, texting my loved ones through tears that wash my screen as they fall, begging for prayers since the doctor's appointment didn't go well.  I need to feel like they are with me so I'm clinging to my phone, waiting for their loving, reassuring words.  I'm not going to look up, because I don't want you to see my tears.  Mainly because I don't usually cry.  The people I'm texting know that, so they're flooding my phone with encouragement as fast as they can.

I'm the friend who keeps my phone nearby so I can check in with someone I care about who's having a bad day.  She can't talk because of where she is, which makes texting our little secret.  No one knows we're talking to each other, but it makes a big difference to us both.  I don't care that it looks like I'm fooling around, I know I'm being there because I'm not there.  

I also like to see how many places I can use my phone.  I discovered recently that the dentist's chair can make a great place to text my mother and take silly pictures of my face.  

Yes, to be fair, I do waste time on my phone.  I may suddenly want to know everything about a topic and then have a hard time stopping my Google quest.  I have been known to check Facebook too much, but like any bad habit, I know I'm doing it and how to stop doing it.  

It's all about balance. 

It isn't really about the phone.  I'm sure if everyone was carrying around calculators, we'd be criticizing them for that and finding plenty of reasons why their kids will end up in therapy for all the neglect our number crunching caused.  Silly example, maybe, but the point is the same.  Our cell phones are amazing little devices.  They are capable of managing so many things that used to require other methods.  I'm not going to start a lecture on managing the device rather than being managed by it.  It is most definitely possible to neglect important moments for the sake of acquiring information in that instant.  I'm sure I have missed things my girls have tried to tell me or show me.

But I don't need a phone to neglect my children.

I can ignore them when I'm doing laundry or unloading the dishwasher.  I don't mean to, but I sometimes forget that they like to help with those tasks.  My goal for cleaning the kitchen quickly so I can forget about it sometimes prevents me from grasping a moment with my girls.  I've taken a nap when I should have played a game, and I've said 'no' more times to things I should have most definitely said 'yes' to.  

We have all gotten priorities out of line and wasted time that we'll never get back.  That's nothing new.  I've known plenty of people who felt neglected by moms who wouldn't stop cleaning long enough to notice them.  Yet, we don't see "Mom with the Swiffer" or "Dear Chronic Ironer" letters.  Think about it for a minute.  It's so easy to criticize people and generalize their character for what we see them do in public for a few minutes.  

I have a lot of things I need to work on, and time management rises closer to the top of my list than I'd like to admit.  I need to work daily on making the best choices I can for my family in all the ways that I am responsible.  Since I'm an adult, I know what I need to do.  I can't blame my phone for me not doing it.  I just need to realign myself.  Focus on what I need to do and pray (sometimes really, really fervently) for God to provide the strength and drive to do it.  

I adore my children and they know it.  We are growing each day in our relationships as mother and daughters.  Each day is a new chance to make memories and cherish each other.  I'm glad I have a way to record and store the tiny bits that, despite the best of intentions, would be forgotten after just a few days.  I'm happy when they can bring me into what they are interested in, which is sometimes a YouTube video shared in a parking lot or on our couch.  I love when they take a picture of the ducks that live in the creek behind school and send it to Dad so he can feel like he's with us.  So yes, I'm glad I have my phone with me.     

Do I care about what the letter writers think and say about me?  Not really.  They don't know me.  I know me.  I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses.  If you are you a Mom with an Android then you know yours too.  I can rest in knowing that where I'm weak, He is strong.  I can rely on God to direct me in those moments when I'm probably not being the best steward of my time, and also to confirm those times that I'm exactly where I need to be.  That's where I find my peace.



I'm the Mom with an Android.  It's a good thing too, since I'm also the Mom Without a Watch.  

Why do today what you can do in 7 years?

I'm afraid of a lot of things, but the dentist isn't one of them.  I have always felt comfortable in the dentist's chair, which is good because I've spent a lot of time there.  I've had teeth pulled, suffered the humiliation of an upper palate expander (captured in my sixth grade class picture), worn braces, and nearly every tooth you can't see when I smile has a filling.  I wore upper maintenance retainers until I either lost them or just didn't want to anymore.  I have a little bracing retainer for my bottom teeth that an orthodontist said will still be in my mouth when I die.  Unfortunately, that statement will forever be with me because while true, it's creepy.  And not something a 13 year old wants to hear.  No big deal though, my bottom teeth are still straight, and I won't need it in heaven anyway.

Mention the words 'root canal' to most people in their 50s and older and you will hear terrible, TERRIBLE stories.  Really horrible stuff.  I want to hug my dad every time we share dental stories.  I don't know why it had to be so bad back then, or why so many dentists were so mean, but I understand why there are sedation dentists now, and I think that's wonderful.  Growing up, I knew that someday I'd probably have to have a root canal, and even though I had no idea what that really meant, it didn't seem that scary since nothing at the dentist ever had been.  Sure enough, a month or so before Julia was born, I got my first root canal.  The procedure went fine, but the scary part came afterward when I learned how much it cost since we didn't have dental insurance.  I was "grateful" for the opportunity to have a dental credit line offered to me for the low, low price of expensive.  My root canal cost me half as much as braces and I had one less real tooth!  What?!  Anyway, I soon had a new baby and 3 months later remembered to go get my permanent crown.  :)  

About a year and a half later, after the worst pain I've ever experienced, I had my second root canal.  And my second bill in the amount of a used car-- in good condition!  I don't remember exactly why we still didn't have dental insurance, but we didn't, and again, THAT was the worst part.  The actual procedure was just a longer filling, with more time to do nothing but lay and rest in the chair while listening to adult contemporary pop music and fight the urge to sing along.  I didn't have any problems, pain, or other unpleasant reactions.  BUT... about 4 months later, my mouth felt weird and I wondered if it really had healed all the way.  I called the office and they said sometimes it could take a while.  Ok.  I went on with my life and forgot about it.  

Fast forward.... a lot... to about a month ago...

One of my coworkers went to the dentist for something and after he left, I suddenly heard a little voice in my head say, "Hey, member that root canal you were wondering about?  How bout stop putting it off and go to the dentist?"  I told the voice to shut up and went back to work.  That voice had been bugging me for more than half a decade.  God has such a sense of humor with me, because as it would happen, the dentist's office called me about 15 minutes later to schedule my girls' 6 month cleaning.  The little voice in my head laughed.  I hadn't gone all these years since we moved across town, but our new dentist is a friend, whose daughter was in my class a few years ago.  The girls and Chris had gone, I knew I should too.

"While I have you on the phone," I told the dental assistant, "I think I should probably schedule a visit for myself.  I haven't been to your office yet, but I've had a problem for... 7 years."

"Seven years?"

"Yes, it's a long story.  Well, not really.  We didn't have insurance, but we do now, so I can come whenever."

The next day, as I sat in the chair and talked with my dentist about why I put it off for so long, I realized how ridiculous, irresponsible, and un-grownuplike it was to have neglected a health issue for that length of time.  Anyway, that was done and it was time to move forward.  I needed a root canal repair-- or a surgical procedure I still can't pronounce and won't spell because I don't want you to google it (some things you can't un-know!)-- because I had a bone infection.  It sounds worse that it felt, but I was just glad to be getting it addressed.  It felt very responsible, albeit very much overdo.  A few days later, I learned I wouldn't need the surgical procedure that shall not be named, and gleefully told my coworkers I was just getting "another root canal" which was "no big deal" and I would "be fine."

The day of said procedure, I reminded my friends what an easy procedure it would be and said goodbye with a big smile.   "See you all in the morning!" I accidentally lied.  I arrived at the endodontist and sat down to wait patiently and play Temple Run 2 on my iPad (because it's awesome and I can't stop).  They called me back, I read a People magazine from a few weeks ago, went on Facebook a few times, and texted my mom to tell her how cool it was that I could text while waiting to get a root canal.  Sometimes I still get impressed with all the places you can use technology.  I got a few numbing shots, waited for my face to fall asleep, and took a pic.  Not a flattering pic at all, but I was being silly before the "no big deal" procedure.

I'm going to leave out the details, they aren't important, and I wouldn't want to read other people's root canal details.  Just imagine this as intermission or those color bars they used to put on tv when a station went off the air for the night.

When they finished an hour and a half later and I wasn't laying upside down anymore, we talked about what could be expected when the numbness wore off, and for the next few days.  I was told to expect "intense, and at times, severe pain" which would require dedicated attention to a medication schedule (and missing sleep!) for the next few days.  I also had to take a strong antibiotic around the clock for what seemed like 6 years (this would require missing sleep too!) to treat what was going on in my head.  He told me that repairs like this are difficult to recover from, but I thought he was overstating it.  Paying was painless since insurance is a blessing, and as I walked out, I contemplated whether or not to even fill the hydrocodone prescription.

What I should have done next was take pictures of my family-- their reactions to my "no big deal" were priceless.  The girls kept trying to make me say words I couldn't pronounce and giggled so hard they couldn't breathe.  Chris was fine til he heard the ominous warning of "intense, and at times, severe pain" and the next thing I knew, I was at Walgreens getting some medicine to make it through the night.  What was he worried about?  I was fine.  Numb clear up to my eyeball, and confident that I would stay fine.  Fine enough to take another ridiculous pic of my unresponsive left side.

You should really listen to doctors.  And nurses.  And moms who are nurses.  They are smart and they know what they are talking about.  When they tell you things are going to be rough and you need to work hard to manage your pain, they are not kidding.    About 6 hours later, I understood exactly what "intense, and at times, severe" pain was.  That's really not rocket science... what should I have expected after 7 years?  My nightstand became a mini pharmacy, and I slept with a bag of chocolate covered mini pretzels next to me so I could eat one or five every time the stupid alarm clock went off.  When I woke up the next day, I knew it would not-- could not-- include going to work.  I talk at work.  A lot.  I smile at work.  A lot.  Those two things could not happen, and plus, all the medicine made it difficult to think.  I slept most of the day, my dreams interrupted only by the rude alarm, and by that night, I thought the worst was over.  I was eager to go to work the next day and move on from tooth drama.  

The girls and I went to school as normal and my friends that know me best did just what I asked them to: not talk to me or make me laugh.  Weird request, but they love me, so they did it.  I did fine, but by the time I needed to answer the phones in the afternoon, I really wished I'd had a pre-recorded greeting to use.  Or Victoria since we sound the same on the phone.  The afternoon deteriorated quickly once I got home, but I don't really remember it!  I was afraid I was going to be out of work again, but hoped that another faithful night of my meds schedule would straighten things out.  Nope.  I don't heal well or fast and there are a whole combination of reasons why.  In the morning, while I composed what I hoped was a relatively coherent email explaining the set back (which apparently surprised no one but me) I had two thoughts:  1) I really didn't want this to happen, but it did; and 2) I couldn't have better people in my life.  

I know a lot of people say that, and it can come off as trite and superficial, but it's true.  I'm not being sappy or sentimental because that isn't me.  The fact is, I did something stupid and put off dental work.  Another fact is that, while not scared of dentists or dental procedures, I can be a bit of a worrier.  We all have our thing, and that's mine.  And while my natural tendency was to worry about what everyone would think, I felt peace that they all probably had a better understanding of what I was experiencing than I did! My family took care of themselves and me, and loved me in spite of being really weird and out of it, and my work friends sent get well wishes, rescheduled a meeting, brought my girls home, and didn't pile tons of papers on my desk!  :)  

My life is easier when I can make sense of it, and I will try and pull a lesson or example out of everything.  It reinforces my focus on God's goodness and His faithfulness to me, and His "Big Picture" for my life.  I shouldn't have waited so long to fix what could have turned out to be a very serious problem.  I should have fixed it 7 years ago.  It's not over, and I have part 2 of (hopefully) 2 next week.  But because I didn't, I am in this place, with these people, in this time, and they are reflecting Jesus to me.  Because this happened-- is still happening-- I am able to see how God is using this little puzzle piece to gently remind me of Himself.  I haven't told my coworkers how much their kindness means to me, because I write things much more easily than I can say them.  If they read this they'll know.  Or if someone else reads this and tells them, they'll know.  Was it hard?  Yes.  Worth taking pictures of?  Yes.  A good story?  I hope so!  Well timed?  No, but then I wouldn't have learned anything or been able to blog about it.  

The moral of the story is: Don't put things off, especially things involving teeth.  It just makes it worse.  But if you do, trust the ones that live your life with you and let them build you up.  And take your medicine.

What experience has God used in your life that unexpectedly revealed His love and care for you?  

Who has He put in your life to demonstrate His faithfulness?